i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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