sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
