just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
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