Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
