I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
