I bet he comes in French.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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