he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
