Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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