I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
