If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
