Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
