What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
