Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
