I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
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