I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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