Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
