dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize