My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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