help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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