I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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