am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
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