Me. At least after what I've been through.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
