What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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