You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
