Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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