remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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