mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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