Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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