Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize