Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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