So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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