So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Sext me about skeletons
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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