I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize