Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
