My sheets look like a crime scene.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
