I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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