Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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