Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
