I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
