"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
found the other keg... it's in the tree
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
