My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
