The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize