did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
