My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
