I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
