i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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