I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
