I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
oh god the rape fog is back!
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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