i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
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