Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he thought i was a dude.
I am midnight drunk by noon
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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