This girl is more easily done than said...
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
