went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
