i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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