Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
