She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
