I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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