cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
