this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
