I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I got inside last night via doggy door
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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