I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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