I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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