and next time when you feel me up, do it right
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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