i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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