This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
