There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
