my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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