Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
