Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
