we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Randomize
