I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
