I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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