I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I just googled if crying burns calories
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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