Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
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